Becoming ill in a foreign country has a way of making one think that the only answer to the situation is to return home....which is exactly where I was last week. Feeling horrible for one week....and then another, made my head swell with reasons as to why NOW was an excellent time to come home; to return to the familiar, to the good ole USA, where doctors and all others around me actually understand me when I speak. After a round of blood tests, which came out normal, and a return to being able to get through my day without a profound need to lay down on the floor of my office periodically in hopes of gaining a bit of energy, I am now left with the memories of the absolute convinced position that it was time for me to go, versus the resurfaced opinions as to why I love it here. So the questions that remain, tossing back and forth like a tennis match in my head are, "Should I stay? Or should I go?"
Should I stay? I'll answer that one first. The sun! It shines brightly EVERYDAY. Being from Seattle, there isn't a single minute of the sunshine that I take for granted. The ocean waves dance for me all day long, right out my back door...Living by the beach is something I've always dreamed about. Meeting people from all over the world...Australia, England, Germany, India, Japan, China, Malaysia, Dubai, Ireland...(that's my list from just the past 2 weeks)...is fascinating. Helping people improve their health is what I've always wanted to do...and I'm getting lots of great feedback from my patients that I do it well. Living in another culture is interesting and helps me appreciate my American life even deeper. I have all my meals prepared for me. I am saving probably 90% of the money that I'm making. I dont have to buy gas (which I heard is now $4/ gallon?! Ekk!). I have no bills. Being here is a great resume builder. And truly, one of my most compelling reasons...I get at least one massage a week...and it costs me $9 for an hour....and that includes the tip.
Should I go? I haven't felt energetic for so many years I can't count; I'm sick of pushing myself through the day...I have money in the bank and open doors with open arms of love to stay at my mom's if I choose to return home. It would be a great time to put everything else on the back burner and put taking care of my health my absolute and only priority. I have great skills. I can take them anywhere. I will get another job. Better yet, I'll create my own job. What am I trying to prove by staying any longer? I have been here 5 months. It's been a great experience. Why should I stay longer? Just for 'more?' More money? More time? More experience? Why do I always push myself to 'do more?' Is 'more' really necessary? Or healthy? I think my new favorite word is, 'enough.'
Family and friends are the most important thing to me in my life. Community. Connection. I dont have much here. I certainly have no interest in planting roots in Asia. I would like to be married someday...ideally to someone who can pronounce my name correctly and speak English. Well let me tell ya, not many men fit that profile here. Sure, big wig rich guys walk into my office everyday...and their wives accompany them. My day off comes and I hang out by myself. I have been doing that for 5 months now. Enough, I say! Summer in Seattle is approaching... what a great time for renewal. It's been a great experience. I think I've had 'enough.'
So, you see, I think I have found my answer...I have been watching this tennis match in my head for about 2 weeks now...wanting to be sure it wasn't just "day 3 of summer camp," as one of my friends here kindly pointed out to me...that point where home sounds a lot better, but the fun hasn't started yet. Nope, its not day 3 of summer camp...I vividly remember hitting that around week 6 of being here. I've been patiently watching this tennis match in my head, wanting to be sure that going home wasn't because of any knee jerk reaction from not wanting to return to work after being on vacation; nor for wanting to run home because I was feeling sick. What I know for sure is that I'm sick of feeling sick. That's what's real to me. More money, more time, more resume building, more 'more'...none of it matters to me any longer.
But, not so fast...there's a catch. (There's always gotta be a catch, right?) I received an email this week. It was one of those, 'Wow, this is big,' emails...one that arrives in your inbox, oh lets say, maybe only a few times a year, if at all. It was from the stem cell company that I met in Bangkok two months ago. They offered me....the stem cell therapy ....for free. **&^%$#%^**&^#%!!!! That is to express my feelings for which there are no words for. And now I need to leave some blank space to represent more feelings for which there are not words for...
(......
..............)
Thanks to me, they are in negotiations with my resort to add the procedure to the list of our many treatment offerings for our guests (for its anti-aging benefits...see the previous blog entry "The Microsoft of Medical Advancements" for the full explanation of the procedure). Because the amount of time necessary for any decision at this resort to be made makes watching paint dry seem like an activity that goes so fast you wonder where the time went, waiting until the resort makes that decision....I might be 40 by then. So, what is under consideration right now is that the doctors fly out here to demo the procedure to the decision makers....and have ME as the patient. Yep. Me as THE patient. I think I need to leave some more blank space...
(......
................)
Should I do this?! Should I really do this?! This is the new tennis match in my head now. I have some time though before the winning thought must be declared, because before any of this happens, the following must occur: #1) our chairman needs to agree to find time in his schedule to meet with the doctors, #2) that time must coordinate with when the doctors can be here, #3) all parties must agree to allow the demo to take place here, #4) all parties need to agree to have ME be the patient, and last but not least, #5) I've got to decide if I really want to do this. Am I excited? Well, I'm sure I am somewhere inside this complex matrix of emotions that I have. But right now, to be honest, I'm mostly numb. How about fear? For any of you with some of that, please take a look at the following links:
http://www.stemcellguidance.com/
http://returninghope.inetasiapreview.com/treatment/Condition7.html
And with that, just some more blank space ...............................................
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment